Discipleship or Conditioning?

The word discipleship gets thrown around a lot. And by its generally accepted definition in evangelical circles, this word is supposed to convey the idea that you're being a 'disciple' of Jesus, specifically. There's supposed to be a notion of 'imitation' here. As a matter of fact, John Mark Comer has recently introduced the language of 'apprenticeship' into this conversation, a distinction I've found clarifying. But what happens when discipleship is actually conditioning—not leading people to Jesus, but training them to conform to a system that ultimately serves the institution? Conditioning is the term we use to describe preparing a person or object for a particular purpose, too. But we "condition" someone or something because it's going to be in conditions for which it wasn't originally intended: maybe we're 'conditioning' leather for heavy use, or 'conditioning' our hair in the dry winter season. This isn't the same thing. Discipleship is about imitating Jesus, learning to agree with his definition of good and evil in both our beliefs and behaviors. Conditioning is about reshaping you for something contrary to your original use: you're going to either be put to some use, or asked to live through something that you won't endure otherwise. To put it another way, discipleship strengthens you to grow. Conditioning strengthens you to endure. And while that's not a bad thing in the right context—

—what if you're being conditioned to endure abuse?

—what if you're being conditioned to overlook abuse?

—what if you're being conditioned to condition others?

—what if you're being conditioned to abuse others?

True discipleship leads people to Jesus. Conditioning leads people to dependence on human leaders, institutions, and control tactics. Now, it’s not always obvious when this is happening, but there are some clear signs to watch for. Let's name a few.

1. Discipleship forms. Conditioning controls.

✨ Discipleship: We teach the whole Bible and invite people to follow Jesus. Leaders model humility and change their ways when confronted with truth. 🚨 Conditioning: Selective Bible teaching emphasizes submission, authority, and control. Leaders demand obedience while remaining above accountability.

True discipleship lets people wrestle with faith. It acknowledges nuance and the messy process of following Jesus. Conditioning, on the other hand, is about control. It demands conformity, not growth.

2. Discipleship raises up diverse voices. Conditioning silences them.

✨ Discipleship: Every believer is seen as valuable, gifted, and equipped to contribute. Questions and different perspectives are welcomed. 🚨 Conditioning: Only a select few (usually men, always with a very particular theological bent) are seen as safe to listen to. Questioning leadership is framed as rebellion.

In healthy discipleship practices, new ideas and perspectives sharpen the community. When it's just conditioning, diversity is seen as dangerous. Women, people of color, and those with different backgrounds or theological perspectives are often pushed to the margins because of their 'dangerous' or 'squishy' theology.

3. Discipleship restores. Conditioning shames.

✨ Discipleship: When you fail, you’re met with grace, accountability, and support. Healing is prioritized. 🚨 Conditioning: Failure means public shaming, exile, being permanently treated as suspect, or even getting pedestaled when your story's dramatic enough. Your mistakes become your identity.

Shame is a powerful tool for control—as is praise. True discipleship recognizes that sin and failure are part of the journey, offering restoration instead of condemnation. When it's conditioning, leaders use shame to ensure submission, or false praise to ensure future conformity.

4. Discipleship invites questions. Conditioning punishes them.

✨ Discipleship: Questions are a sign of engagement, curiosity, and hunger for truth. They’re encouraged and answered with patience and wisdom. 🚨 Conditioning: Questions are framed as doubt, which is framed as rebellion (of course). Asking the wrong thing gets you labeled as a problem. Asking the right thing for too long gets you labeled as a problem.

Many of us were raised in churches where asking hard questions was seen as “backsliding.” But Jesus welcomed honest seekers. The moment questioning is treated as a threat, you know you’re being conditioned, not discipled.

5. Discipleship frees you. Conditioning makes you dependent.

✨ Discipleship: You are equipped to follow Jesus on your own. The church provides vital community and support, but your relationship with God is just that—your relationship with God. 🚨 Conditioning: You are told you can’t trust yourself or the Holy Spirit. You need them to interpret Scripture, them to tell you what’s true, them to keep you from being deceived.

If someone is discipling you well, you’ll be growing into a deeper relationship with Jesus that isn’t dependent on their approval. If you’re being conditioned, you’ll feel afraid to step outside of their rules, even when your conscience tells you something is off.

6. Discipleship serves people. Conditioning serves power.

✨ Discipleship: Leaders serve the people, and the people care for one another, including the leader, all within reasonable human boundaries. 🚨 Conditioning: People serve the leaders. The church’s priorities are about maintaining power, control, and influence. Pastoral authority is the topic du jour. Leaders "serve" the people with 22 hours a week in the pastoral study and a 9-year study on submission.

In many (most?) evangelical churches, pastoral authority is emphasized way more than pastoral service. If “biblical leadership” always seems to mean you doing more for the church while the pastor grows his platform, that’s a sign of conditioning.

Breaking Free from Conditioning

If you’ve been spiritually conditioned instead of discipled, you are not alone. Many of us were raised in environments where obedience was demanded, questions were dangerous, and our worth was tied to our ability to conform.

But the Gospel is not about control. It’s about freedom.

Jesus never used coercion to form His disciples. He invited them into something better. If your church experience has taught you that faith = compliance, I want you to know that Jesus invites you to something far more beautiful.

You don’t have to earn your place in God’s love. You don’t have to stay in spaces that manipulate and control you. You are free.

• Have you ever experienced discipleship that felt more like conditioning?

• What messages about obedience, authority, or questioning have shaped your faith?

• How has your view of Jesus been shaped by the way leadership was modeled to you?